Shadepaw takes after his mother the most of the two siblings, with oddly blocky features that are also delicately angular at the same time as well as impossibly round eyes and narrow, tall ears. His pelt has an odd rippling effect to it that is just shy of curling and is, unfortunately, a bit thinner than most the fur of most of her clanmates, making the young cat slightly colder-natured than most. He has always been a thinner, scrawnier kit than his brother - again, much like his absentee mother - and is far more legs than anything else; it's unlikely, even as he grows, that he will be anything more than lean muscle. His fur is just a bit more white than black and his whiskers have a slight curl to them. In the right light, her eyes can look greenish, too.

Dapplefang has favorites.

They don't like it when you call them your grandparent - they didn't like a lot of things you and Nightkit did; so, today, like every other day, the two of you watch her dote on Lizardtail and her kits. The old permaqueen you're sharing a nest with slumbers away, and your brother makes a point to not look.

His face is in your thin, rippling pelt - it's like your mother's, you've heard others comment - despite being fluffier than you and you can tell from the his huffing breathes, he's angry; you twine your tail with his, give him the illusion of privacy as he spills several angry tears, and wonder...

Why are you no one's favorite?

---

"She's not coming back."

You cock your head at Blazekit and Cragkit, the latter of who snickers behind her, and frown in confusion. Nightkit bristles at your side, tiny claws sinking into the small mossball the pair of you had been batting back and forth.

"Your mom is coming back, though." Nightkit snorts abruptly at your statement, but it's true: Lizardtail only ducked out for a moment to speak with Lightningstep. You're not sure why your cousin would say something so dramatic--

"NO!" She squawks, looking flustered as your brother tries to stifle his laughter, and her hackles start to rise: "I meant YOUR MOM! She left you and she's never coming back!"

"Shut up!" Your brother cuts in, suddenly on his paws and trying to stand over you, despite that fact you're bigger than him, "You're so loud and annoying!"

"And you wanna know wwhhhyyyy?" Cragkit cuts in, picking up where his sister left off like no one else had spoken; you shrug, but he continues: "Cuz YOUR MOM stole OUR DAD and ruined eeeeevveeeerrythiiinng! Like, the whooole family. And they didn't even waaaaant you two, so they, like, bailed."

Lizardtail has to come back in, because Nightkit jumps the pair; they're two moons older, so it's not a fair fight, but you know by now that he doesn't like you to get involved. You circle the outside of the brawl until the other queens break it up and they all give the pair of you this sad, exasperated look that says this is becoming too common place; your aunt screeches about her kits being scuffed up, and, as your brother wobbles over to your side, you find yourself checking over him worriedly.

The two of you are grounded - which means being stuck in one of the queens' nests with nothing to do - for several days because Nightkit won't say he's sorry. Blazekit and Cragkit are forced to apologize and you wonder if the adults are stupid or just willingly ignore how insincere your cousins are, because as soon as no one's paying attention Cragkit sticks his tongue out at Nightkit and you have to lay on top of your brother so he doesn't start another fight.

"I'm sorry." You murmur the next day, when the two of you have to sit in a nest at the front of the nursery and watch all the other kits - like snickering Blazekit and her littermates - play outside.

He purrs to soothe you, because he's not good with nice words, but you both know this isn't the end of it.

---

"It's not fair!" Nightkit grumbles to you as the two of you sit and watch your cousins' apprentice ceremony, "They deserve to be held back for always bullying us..."

"I like that they're gone." It means Nightkit doesn't get into trouble as much any more, "The den's quieter."

"It's you two that should be held back-" Dapplefang, glowering over you- "always causing problems, just like your wretched mother. Why, if I--"

"Leave them be, Dapplefang." One of the permaqueen's her age hisses quietly, trying not to disrupt the ceremony: "I can't imagine how horrified your beloved Shadestone would be if he saw you like this."

That, of course, devolved quickly. The ceremony continued on, but most everyone had noticed the two elderly cats bickering in low tones over the two of you. Nightkit pressed in close to comfort you - he's growing so fast, he almost outweighs you now when the two of you wrestle over mossballs - and you press back, as Blazepaw glares at the two of you around her new mentor; it's like she thinks you're trying to ruin her ceremony.

Eventually, things get heated, so you excuse the two of you back to the nursery - you miss the end of the ceremony, but at least you don't get in trouble this time...

---

"Nighkit?"

"What?"

"We'll always have each other, right?" Lizardtail has moved back into the warrior's den; tonight, the pair of you are big enough to sleep in the empty nest on your own.

"...yeah."

"Promise?"

He snuffles a bit, like he usually does when he pretends to be asleep, but you know better: it's impossible to sleep here, tonight, when the moss and bedding still faintly smell of your aunt and her kits. In the back of your mind, that all registers as dangerous and unsafe... You wonder if it just makes your brother angry. Maybe you can catch a nap in a sunny spot in the camp clearing tomorrow...

"Niiiightkit."

"Yeah, I promise; you'd be lost without me anyway. Who else would defend your dumb ass?" He sounds grumpy, but he wiggles back to press into your flank. You smile and lay your head on his shoulder with a purr.

---

"I don't think Toadfeather likes me..." You try to whisper across the gap between your nests to Nightpaw, whose curled up on his side so that he can face you.

It's been bothering you most of the day; during your apprentice ceremony, the clan deputy had seemed... a little less enthusiastic than other mentors you'd watched before. The feeling nagged at you as he took you out for a short tour of the territory and it's rattling around in your head even now, keeping sleep at bay. Did he not want to train you? Was he being forced to?

Why were you no one's choice?

Your brother's warmer colored eyes seem to glow in the dark and his one visible ears flattens back as his pelt prickles. The sight of your littermate working himself up into an outrage over your hurt feelings makes you feel something inexplicably warm in your heart; Nightpaw didn't get aggravated in just anyone's defense, after all.

"You can't fight my mentor, he's the clan deputy," Reaching a gangly leg between the small gap between your nests, you press a white paw to his and his mouth - which had opened, likely to start a spitting tirade in your honor - clicks shut with a sulky look. "I was just wondering if you kno--"

"Of course Toadfeather isn't happy your his apprentice," Graypaw rolls onto their back, their annoyed tone carrying throughout the den; you jolt, startled, but they keep going: "You're a troublemaker and stupid too - what mentor would want you?"

"Mind your own business, you fat crow." Nightpaw hisses, rolling onto his belly, and it's probably only the weight of your paw still on his that keeps him from bounding across the apprentice den to start something, "No one asked you."

"He wouldn't want you either, Nightpaw." Graypaw huffs, sounding abruptly bored with the whole conversation: "And Shadepaw needs to learn to whisper if you two orphans want privacy."

You wince, then, impulsively, abandon your nest to wriggle into Nightpaw's with him; he snorts in surprise but, after a moment, shuffles to the far edge. It's a tight fit, but the pair of you manage to tangle up close enough to make it work. His paws knead into your flank soothingly and you shove your head under his chin. Normally, Graypaw's words didn't hurt that much...

But, perhaps, a small part of you had hoped for something different...

At least they've rolled back over and put their back to you, leaving the pair of you alone.

"Doesn't matter..." Your brother rumbles in your ear, "we still got each other - the rest of 'em can eat crowfood."

At least your Nightpaw's favorite. 

---

Just because you try to give your cousins' the space they obviously want, considering their distaste for both you and your brother, does not mean they give you the same courtesy. Which, really, is odd, as all three of them could take this chance - free of the nursery and hovering Lizardtail - to strike out and enjoy themselves--

"Hey, bee-brain, I'm talking to you." Cragpaw sneers, slapping his paw down on the mouse you'd been prepared to eat tonight; you cringe, as his white paw is muddy and that means your mouse is getting muddied. "Don't be, like, rude."

"What is it, Cragpaw?" You sigh, finally looking at him.

"Pluh-eeeease," he sucks his teeth at you, knocking the mouse aside to sit, "Don't get lip with me - I'm just trying to be nice, because you, like, only hang out with your fat brother."

"And you mostly hang out with Blazepaw." You cock your head, confused at what hanging out with your littermate has to do with being nice; you're on amicable terms with a lot of your fellow apprentices. "But maybe if you gave Blazepaw some space, then your crush--"

"Stars, you're stu-pid!" His ears flatten and you realize maybe mentioning his crush, who liked to hang out with Graypaw, was a bad idea: "I meant you have no frien-"

"Go away," Nightpaw drops a clean squirrel in front of you and you perk up at the thought of sharing prey, "Go sulk somewhere like a normal cat instead of taking your hurt feelings out on us."

Hurt feelings? You turn back to Cragpaw - now visibly flustered and, behind him, Graypaw and-oh. And then, it dawns on you: "Oh, no, Cragpaw-"

"Shut it!" He hisses and you sit up straight as his claws unsheathe, "You two wouldn't understand, anyway: ruining things in your blood!"

Okay, that hurt - you were just going to apologize. Nightpaw half slides in front of you and, well, you can't help yourself. This situation needs to deescalate before anyone notices: claws against clanmates is forbidden, not to mention the nursery is right there.

Next time, you'll have to pick a new hiding spot to eat in peace.

"I'm sorry, Cragpaw." You placate, pressing your cheek into your brother's, his mounting tension tangible, "I didn't know..."

"Yeah, that's right." Blazepaw sidles up and your fur starts to rise, uneasy, "You're just like Mom says, a clueless brainless ugly rat that no one wants: not your mentor,, not our father, and not even your own mo-"

Nightpaw lounges; Crahpaw intercedes. Claws flash and teeth gnash as the pair roll across the ground with yowls and spitting insults. Blazepaw immediately bolts, howling for help for her brother, and how Nightpaw hurt her-

You hop to your paws; you shift from one to the other, heart in your throat. This is bad, this so, so bad, you should do something-

And you almost do. But as you prepare to jump in, wiggle between the two and shove the toms apart, Nightpaw's mentor is there and so is Cragpaw's and...

And Toadfeather.

"Nightpaw started it!" Blazepaw shrieks, dragging her own mentor into the debacle.

"No--" You start, gaze darting between your mentor and the other two as your brother and Cragpaw are dragged apart. "--no, he didn't."

No one did, you'd be willing to lie: this was just some play fighting that got out of hand. Anything, really, just as long as this wouldn't make things worse than they are...

"She's lying!" Blazepaw sings, hurrying over to check on her brother over, "Cragpaw-"

"HUSH." Her mentor snaps, and, to your surprise, she does; your cousin, dare you even say, looks properly chastised.

When you turn back, Toadfeather is gone. Probably to tell Mushroomstar... You wish you'd seen his expression, to see if he believed Blazepaw or not.

He probably did, you shuffle over to lean into Nightpaw as he fumes, no one ever gives us the benefit of the doubt.

---

No one saw either Cragpaw's or Nightpaw's claws, thankfully - Blazepaw didn't snitch, so you held your tongue in turn; an agreement of mutual silence to avoid the mutual destruction for your littermates.

Lizardtail, of course, caused a stink. Even when Mushroomstar and your mentor decided to just let the pair's mentors hand out an appropriate punishment, you could tell she wanted the clan leader to handle this - specifically, to make Nightpaw sorry. She even tried to muscle her way into the quiet decision their two mentors were having; they rebuffed her, of course, thankfully, but...

"You and your brother should be held back." She sneered softly as she passed you that day, Blazepaw and Graypaw trailing behind: "Just a bunch of troublemakers that'll never amount to anything."

Good thing your brother didn't hear that.

"A whole moon in camp," he grumbled later, as the two of you, you too anxious to rest and Nightpaw too aggravated to sleep, sit outside the apprentice den. "Stuck caring for the elders..."

Forced to be around Dapplefang...

"Nightpaw," You pause and only continue when he finally looks at you instead of his flexing claws, "You need to stop defending me."

"Some gratitude." He huffs and it's the kind of sound that means he's trying to feel offended, but is actually amused.

"We're apprentices, now, Nightpaw." Shuffling closer, you try to show you're serious: "You know I love and appreciate you, but we can't-"

"I love you too, Shadepaw." He leans into you, his thicker pelt warm and soft against your thinner coat, "That's why I'm not sorry. We gotta stick together-"

"-we only got each other." You finish in sync, knowing this is a lost battle. Your brother's fierce protectiveness is a problem... but hopefully one that will resolve itself. You don't want to start a fight.

---

A whole moon without Nightpaw is.. jarringly unpleasant. You don't know what you'd expected, but this is not it...

Isolated. Adrift. Lost.

The two of you cross paths at the end of each day, when you return from training out in the territory and he finally finishes his chores; it feels like, even though you didn't do anything, you're being punished to. Most evenings, both or one of you is too tired to spend much time talking. You can tell being constantly exposed to Dapplefang - something you've both managed to avoid since you were young - and not only her blatant dislike for him but obvious favoritism for Cragpaw, is wearing on your brother.

This moon can't end soon enough.

It's lonely.

And it's affecting you: you can feel yourself distancing from others. Your extroverted, sure, but you struggle with your agemates and denmates now. It feels like your always saying the wrong thing or like you are faking it. You don't know, really, how to be yourself with your brother... Is that unhealthy? It feels like it.

At least you cousins are leaving you be...

"Shadepaw," Your mentor huffs: "Focus."

You've been chafing against Toadfeather and training more often now, too. Partially because it feels like he's, personally, keeping you from spending time with Nightpaw, but also because tiny part of you is, admittedly, afraid of him and what he must think of you; he's not only the clan deputy, but he's also in a position of direct power over you. So you are a bit rebellious; it's the silent kind, though, where you take your time in doing anything he tells you, pretending to not hear him when being questioned, and yet being overly energetic and ill-mannered at the same time when answering eventually. But, at the same time, you feel like anyone with eyes can tell how you watch him with trepidation, always giving him a wide berth emotionally-speaking when you cannot easily manage so physically.

Overly dependent. Troublemaker. Not worth the effort...

You can't get too comfortable, because this all feels so precarious. But you can do it, you can survive this... once Nightpaw is out, things will return to normal. Everything will be fine.

---

"You-" it's Dapplefang, summoning you from their sunny patch in the camp; you stutter-step, fur prickling uneasily as she beckons with a tail while Cragpaw peers over their back: "Come here."

That is, without a doubt, a bad idea. Nightpaw had just only finished his moon of camp-bound punishment last night, so this feels like a deliberate encounter; is she going after you now? Listening would be a horrible idea that will likely ruin not only your day but the rest of the moon... And yet, you know it would be a worse one to ignore her, especially without an excuse--

"Shadepaw." Toadfeather. You jerk in his direction at his call before you even realize what you're doing; he's putting together a patrol and tilts his head to you.

Unable to help yourself, you glance over your shoulder: Dapplefang looks downright affronted, but because it's the clan deputy interfering, they bite their tongue and simply turn to glower at you. A reckless type of giddiness has you smiling back - the kind of feeling that comes from barely avoiding getting caught when you'd trip Blazepaw for picking on your brother, the kind that makes you feel alive.

The feeling dies away to sense of confusion, so you dally towards the back of the patrol as the group heads out into the territory; there's talk of reinforcing the borders, especially with the Kingdom setting up home further up the mountain. It all goes over your head, for the most part, as you consider the tom.

Nightpaw would say you're being stupid, getting your hopes up; both of you know others can't be trusted, especially adults. Nonetheless, something is trying to take root in your heart and you're afraid to name it or give it attention.

Despite your reputation as the friendlier, nicer twin, you're not stupid: you know that no one really cares about you, besides Nightpaw. You're an inconvenience, whose presence is an uncomfortable reminder of many painful truths about the character of Ridgeclan's members; that a clan guardian will just up and abandon everyone to avoid responsibility and backlash, that a respectable elder would turn sour and cruel in the face of scandal, and that a brave queen with many former apprentices could so blatantly mistreat her own young kin. And not once, in all that derision and neglect, did another adult ever do anything to help; the queens in the nursery pretended they cared, sure: they let you play with their kits, bunker down in their dens for the night, and brought you food. But how many times, when given the chance to stand up for two kits that accidentally got in Lizardtail's way, had those same queens made the choice to step aside? To turn a blind eye and focus on making sure the negativity of it didn't affect their kits?

No one's ever even intervened for your sake or Nightpaw's... Not without making the pair of you feel even more like nuisances.

Until now.

You shouldn't trust this. It feels far too good to be true... This is the same tom that seemed less than thrilled at your apprentice ceremony, after all...

"Shadepaw," There's a bit of long-suffering exasperation to his tone, when the deputy notices you lollygagging, but he doesn't snap, "Hurry up."

But a part of you wants to. And that part of you believes that, perhaps, this is a way is the way to leave it all - your cruel grandparent, your bully cousins, and your horrid aunt - behind you.

PRE-PLOTTING
Dancing Around the Galaxy: Shadepaw is still remarkably young and growing into his personality; however, in light of the Kingdom's recent break from the clans as well as having the clan deputy for a mentor, she's begun to lean more towards Uranus and Saturn viewpoints on Ridgeclan. He could never leave the clan behind, even if he only has his brother, because this is the only life he's known. (And, maybe, a part of her does want to prove herself, like Nightpaw, to her clanmates too)

---

[family tree link here]

Her family is full of tense, hostility, and drama and here's way: Yarrowflight (Shadepaw's mother) not only cheated and had kits with Lizardtail's mate Thrushleap, but the two abandoned both kits and clan when caught. After being blamed for the whole mess, it's unsurprising that Shadepaw nor Nightpaw are close with most of their family, save for each other and her uncle. The former Shadepaw is definitely much closer to than the latter, but Nightpaw wants to give their uncle a chance because he's willing to stand up to their aunt and grandmother to do so.

✝ Shadestone & Dapplefang (maternal grandparents) - Shadestone is simply Shadepaw's namesake, passing long before Yarrowflight even thought to take a tumble with Thrushleap. Dapplefang however... Dapplefang has favorites and Shadepaw is not amongst them; no, they prefers their darling Lizardtail and Lizardtail's kits. On good days, Shadepaw is able to avoid her surviving grandparent and the elders' den... on bad days, Shadepaw goes to sleep at night crying quietly into Nightpaw's pelt.

Yarrowflight & Thrushleap (parents, NPC/MIA) - Shadepaw tries not to think about his parents. It would be better, he feels, for himself and Nightpaw if they'd just been surrendered to Ridgeclan as outside blood, than to have Yarrowflight and Thrushleap as her parents. Wherever they are, Shadepaw hopes they're proud of themselves...

Nightpaw (brother) - despite being two very opposite personalities, Shadepaw and Nightpaw are as thick as thieves; after all, its always been the two of them against the world, with little to no family to lean on after the circumstances of their birth. Shadepaw loves Nightpaw a lot and tries to bring some cheer to his dour, volatile moods; he tends to see her, in turn, as delicate and something to protect.

Lizardtail (maternal aunt) - for some reason (likely Dapplefang's wagging tongue), when Shadepaw and her brother were born, a lot of cats in the nursery just assumed their aunt'd take in her two orphaned nephews, especially since she had a litter of two moon old kits already. That was, obviously, not the case; if anything, Lizardtail pointedly ignored the two kits... unless they misbehaved, then she was all to happy to help someone discipline the pair. Shadepaw tries to avoid his aunt for obvious reasons.

Blazepaw, Cragpaw & Graypaw (cousins/half-siblings) - the three biggest antagonists in Shadepaw and Nightpaw's life is their three cousins. It's easy to see that Lizardtail spared no one's feelings in telling the trio of her opinions on their half-siblings and Shadepaw's parents. Shadepaw tries to steer clear of the three, and more often than not has to stop Nightpaw from getting into a physical altercation with Blazepaw and Cragpaw. 

Lightningstep (maternal uncle) - despite Lizardtail vocally telling the pair's uncle to leave his niece and nephew alone and Dapplefang backing her up, Shadepaw sees a lot of Lightningstep, especially now that she's out of the nursery. He is awkward and not good with kits or apprentices (like, at all), but he tries his best to be there for the two. Part of that, Nightpaw grumbles, is because he feels guilty... but Shadepaw chooses to just be happy to have him come by occasionally. And Nightpaw, though he won't admit it, certainly hangs out with him a lot.

Sleetfur (paternal aunt) - Shadepaw is not close with Sleetfur, but that is because she spends far too much time talking about his father. His other aunt does make more of an effort to spend time with her and Nightpaw now that they're out of the nursery, though it feels like a little too late... Plus, she feels like she sees a lot of her father's reported bad qualities in her aunt.

---

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