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Post by owl on Nov 22, 2023 18:13:43 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/sjZ15BX/nettleprofile~png | nettlefang so let my hope grow cold and atrophy
'cause there is no more room in your heart for me
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It wasn't very often that Nettlefang let herself feel sad. But on a cold leafbare evening, after a hard day's work, there was an ache in her heart that no distraction could soothe. The hard times always bring back those memories. Her first time seeing snow and being amazed at the patterns that she could step into it—until her soft kitten paw pads got too cold. Her mother took her into her embrace and warmed her feet, and while Nettlekit didn't realize, Nettlefang knew her mother was holding back laughter. She remembers not long after they'd earned their names, Viperstrike approaching her and the antics she'd get up to in the snow. If she complained she was cold, Viperstrike would challenge her to a race—something the torbie always won. Until one day that she didn't, and Nettlefang accused her of letting her win, to which a planned hunting patrol turned into a good-natured sparring session.
She could find many things in those memories to make her happy, but the echos of knowing she'll never make any more with those cats she loved so much... sometimes you had to sit in your grief. And tonight, she felt like sitting. And thinking. It didn't help that the clan had lost Littlestar just days ago... the leader's blood and fur found coating the snow. No body, but a hungry fox or coyote wouldn't leave one. It was a shock to all and left deputy Cindersong—now Cinderstar—to pick up the pieces. She hadn't named a deputy of her own yet, but it wouldn't be long. She only had until, what, moonhigh? Tomorrow?
No clue who she's pickin'. All I know is my kithood dream to become deputy died a long time ago, probably when she took that place first. I don't need to be special, I already know I do my best for the clan. I trust her to pick the right cat... one who'll help with the tunnel situation. One who'll stand by her. It wasn't actually that late in the day—the sun was just setting, and it disappeared earlier and earlier the later it got into leafbare. But the darkness and cold made it feel late, even if the duties weren't done for the day. They're done for me. I need a damn break. And... t' stew a little. And where else to think about lost loved ones then rosemary hill? It was the final resting place of so many. And she knew the path well.
Viperstrike lay here, but just like Littlestar her mother did not. She was still embedded in the earth somewhere in Prairieclan territory, deemed too dangerous to dig out again only to be buried once more. I think they're all too dangerous, but Starclan, I've been sayin' that for years and nobody listens. Well... not nobody. Some cats listen. Many of her clanmates agreed with her, apparently, but she didn't know who or how many or whether it was enough to challenge the tide. She wasn't... the best at gauging other cat's opinions on things. She navigated those kinds of conversations a bit like a badger in the healer's den... everything was gonna get trampled. Cindersong—Cinderstar—would know. I know she'll be up to somethin' in these comin' moons. I'll do what I can to just... back her up. Not that she needs it. She's leader now.
And then, almost as if thinking her name had summoned her into being, Nettlefang spotted a flash of familiar tortoiseshell coat and her heart leapt. She scolded herself—it could have been any tortoiseshell—but she knew in her gut who it was as soon as she saw. She almost wished it was Turtlewhisker or Dappledfern. But... I guess we're... letting bygones be bygones. Working together against the tunnels. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, or whatever. Glad I mended that bridge before she became leader, hah. It was too late to turn back now, she was sure if she'd noticed the leader then the leader had noticed her—on this quiet hillside, every step sounded like bones cracking. Besides, I'm not a coward.
"Cinderstar," she meowed, dipping her head. Surprise she hadn't managed to quell was evident in her voice, and the new name was clumsy on her tongue. "Fancy... meetin' you here." She attempted a playful remark, but it felt tired and flat. Not when they stood upon the graves of their clanmates. Not with the gravity of the last few days. Sighing deeply, she sat down a few paces from the other molly. Wonder who she's here for. Possibly Littlestar... but we've all lost so many. Hate that I have to wonder, I should know. A somber chuckle escaped her lips, and her eyes turned from the blood orange horizon to meet Cinderstar's gaze. "We had the same idea, huh? It's harder to forget them this time a' year."
tags: tor
notes: she has excellent timing and immense tact lol (edited to be post-cinderstar naming, pre-deputy announcement)
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Post by tor on Nov 25, 2023 8:06:32 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/rc8xfgw/cinder~jpg The one thing Cinderstar knew, really knew, about loss, was how fast you started to forget the ones who were no longer here. For every inch of Graypaw she seared into her memory there was countless more of her lost to time. She remembered Graypaw's favorite place to hunt - the strip of meadow that ran along the river, with soft soil and shallow waters, who knew Graypaw could fish - but she didn't remember how her voice sounded echoing across the flower fields, or what bird song she liked to listen to. Some days, she'd be struck with a memory of her apprentice she'd forgotten, like when Graypaw tried to organize some of the other apprentices into digging their own tunnel, a secret tunnel only apprentices would know about. It didn't get very far. She remembered Graypaw, barely an apprentice, confessing her secret just a day or two later. Now, with Littlestar dead, she wondered what she would forget first. Already she struggled to remember her leader's laughter, or her smile. (Grimly, Cinderstar realized she could blame that on how infrequently Littlestar seemed to do either thing in the moons leading up to her death.) She did remember - in fact, she thought she'd never forget - the clear sound of Littlestar's voice as she called Cinderstar's name, her old name, out to the whole clan when she chose her as deputy. It had been such a shock. Leadership had never been on Cinderstar's mind when she was younger. She wished Littlestar had told her sooner. That conversation that never happened often played on loop in her head. Easily, she could imagine receiving Littlestar's decision graciously. Humbly. And then she'd imagine standing before her clan proudly as Littlestar announced her, rather than the surprised and almost uncomfortable way she had received the decision in reality. Sometimes, she would play it out as if she rejected Littlestar. Told her she couldn't be deputy. In her imagination, Littlestar would understand. She would tell her it was alright. And then she'd ask Cinderstar who she thought would be a good choice instead. Nettlefang. It surprised Cinderstar every time she thought it, but from the day Littlestar called her name out as deputy, Cinderstar knew it should've been Nettlefang, instead. Now, not even a full day since receiving her nine lives, she had a chance to make that real. And unlike Littlestar, may her soul rest in peace, Cinderstar would not leave Nettlefang to stand startled before her clan. She would tell her first. ...if she could find her. Nettlefang was nowhere in camp and so, with nightfall approaching, Cinderstar pressed her nose to the earth and followed her once-rival's scent out into the territory. It did not surprise her when the trail led her to rosemary hill. In the wake of Littlestar's death, Cinderstar was sure many cats were thinking of their lost loved ones. Indeed, above the scent of herbs, the hill was full of the scent of clan members who had been here in the last few days. Cinderstar thought she should spend time here herself but that was not the point of tonight's venture, even if Nettlefang thought it was. "We had the same idea, huh? It's harder to forget them this time a' year.""I came here for you, Nettlefang," she said softly, as if her voice might disturb the endless rest of the cats around them. "You're a hard cat to find, when you want to be." A chill tickled the back of Cinderstar's throat. Would Nettlefang say no? Who would she pick then? Minkfrost came to mind, but ancestors above, she wasn't sure she could deal with her deputy scolding her all the time, even if it was meant with love. "I wanted to talk to you about-" She stumbled over her next words, then cleared her throat. "I mean to say, later tonight I'll announce PrairieClan's new deputy." Suddenly, he request felt impossible to ask, at least here. Nettlefang was grieving. How could Cinderstar ask such a thing of her in this moment? "I- forgive me, you must have come here seeking privacy. I didn't mean to intrude." |
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Post by owl on Nov 27, 2023 11:30:28 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/sjZ15BX/nettleprofile~png | nettlefang so let my hope grow cold and atrophy
'cause there is no more room in your heart for me
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The tabby breathed a quiet laugh at the continuation, but was still too bewildered to respond in words. She thought she'd been ready for anything Cinderstar could throw at her, but nope, she was still woefully unprepared for the blows the tortoiseshell could land. Thought she'd give me trouble for botherin' her but... no. She's being real weird. Not that I have a problem with it, it's just... not what I expected. The other cat went quiet after that as if searching for things to say, so Nettlefang filled the space with a meow, "Sorry I gave you trouble, but... y'found me. Whaddya need?"
She hoped that would soothe Cinderstar a little or something. Her head tipped to the side as she listened to the leader trip over her next sentence. She wants to talk to me… about the cat she'll choose… for deputy? What's she care for my opinion?? She squinted, still trying to puzzle all the pieces together. Cinderstar was not painting her a very clear picture here. Or maybe she was just missing a really big, important stroke. Her fur prickled along her spine, as if in the very back of her mind she knew what the tortoiseshell was insinuating, but the more she tried to pin it down the easier it slipped through her paws.
"I- forgive me, you must have come here seeking privacy. I didn't mean to intrude." The statement confused her as well as snapped her out of her thoughts. Since when does she care about my feelin's? This… strange alliance they'd struck up still felt odd to her. Their loathing for one another had washed away with the moons and distance in between them, but Nettlefang had always been under the impression that Cinderstar still didn't like her much. But right now it didn't seem that way, but still she pushed it aside in favor of a reply."Hey now, I could say the same to you! Besides, whatever it is is obviously eating you up."
The amount of hesitation that her usually confident, put-together rival was showing frankly scared her a little. With the newfound weight of guiding Prairieclan upon her shoulders... no matter the animosity they shared in their youth, no one would wish crumbling under that burden even upon their worst enemy. Because it concerns not just them, but the clan. "You're gonna hav'ta spell it out for me, I'm not the best at inferrin' things," she chuckled earnestly. Nettlefang preferred it when cats gave it to her straight, even if she'd been told most others liked "tact" and "dancing around the truth." Things that didn't come very naturally to her. Stars, what's got her all tongue twisted?
tags: tor
notes: girl is CONFUSED and CLUELESS
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Post by tor on Nov 27, 2023 15:02:13 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/rc8xfgw/cinder~jpg "Eating me up?" Cinderstar said, repeating Nettlefang's choice of words with a degree of fondness. Though intentionally made distance kept her and Nettlefang from ever being more than awkward allies, it would be impossible for her to go this long without learning Nettlefang's natural cadence. The casual, almost leisurely way she spoke, dropping letters and blending sounds as if she could speak being carefree into the world, even when Cinderstar knew Nettlefang was anything but. It was a trait she admired, she realized. One of the many reasons Nettlefang always struck her as the right choice. "You could say that." She spoke less directly than Nettlefang was being. It made her feel ditzy, speaking like this, like she was trying to lead them both away from the matter at hand. "There are many things on my mind, of course. Many things eating me up.""You're gonna hav'ta spell it out for me, I'm not the best at inferrin' things."Okay. Okay, she could do this. Nettlefang was not the cat who made her bristle with annoyance and ire like when they were young. Nettlefang was well-liked. Rational. Straightforward. Friendly. Any one of these traits could be her leading argument for why Nettlefang should take the role, and yet Cinderstar still found herself stuttering over her words. "Well, there's not really anything to spell," she said, once again dropping into a meandering tone. What was she doing? She was PrairieClan's leader now. If there was anything she needed to be decisive about, it was this. "Forgive me." Cinderstar sighed. "I've never done this before. I'm afraid you'll say no, and I don't quite know what I'm to do if that happens." Think of a different cat. Talk to the elders, maybe? They might have some ideas. Again Minkfrost came to mind, but that came with another awkward consideration: that she was turned down by Nettlefang, so she went to her mate instead. Cinderstar frowned, wondering if any of her clanmates would really think that way. Ancestors, this would be so much easier if StarClan picked deputies. If they at least sent her a sign. How could Nettlefang, or anyone, turn down a sign from StarClan? "Like I said, I'll be announcing my choice for deputy tonight." Just in case it would help, Cinderstar shuffled, eventually settling into an upright seated position. "And I intend to announce you. Tonight. As deputy."Smooth. |
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Post by owl on Feb 3, 2024 17:53:13 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/sjZ15BX/nettleprofile~png | nettlefang so let my hope grow cold and atrophy
'cause there is no more room in your heart for me
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Her eyes met the dimming horizon again. The sun was just about to dip beneath the earth, leaving nothing behind but colors in the sky that would fade as the night settled. But the promise of its warm rebirth tomorrow was just enough to forgive it for leaving them in the first place. "Like I said, I'll be announcing my choice for deputy tonight." The tabby took her gaze from the skyline and back to her compatriot, slowly and curiously. There was a pause, in which Cinderstar shifted uneasily under her attention. Nettlefang almost wanted to speak, to ease her again, but couldn't summon any words. What could she say? Good luck? It's not like she knew who she would choose if she were leader. Well, maybe I would, I think I'd-
"And I intend to announce you. Tonight. As deputy."
Nettlefang blinked. She stared at the leader, bewildered. "Me?" Her voice came out like a kitten's first mewl. Me? Deputy? For a moment she wondered if Cinderstar was playing some kind of cruel joke on her, but she dismissed it as soon as it came. No, no, she wouldn't do that. We're not kids anymore. "You're serious," she meowed, more to confirm it for herself than with Cinderstar. The gravity in the other cat's green gaze almost scared her. It sent adrenaline through her veins as forcefully as any battle. What the hell, Nettlefang? Stars, you're hopeless, isn't it obvious!? This is what she wanted to talk to you about, not something silly!
The molly was uncharacteristically silent as the revelation sank in. Her mind was blank, she didn't know what to say. The reason she hadn't expected it was because it was so unexpected. It was an absurd concept to her, that Cinderstar would want her out of every single other cat in Prairieclan to be at her side. Her right paw. But here they were. Man, she must really be out of options if she wants me. She had to bite back a bitter laugh that bubbled up in her chest. "I accept, I accept, of course," she said breathlessly, just in case she did laugh so Cinderstar didn't think she was laughing at her. Nettlefang swallowed, fixing the tortie with a wide olive stare.
Her tongue felt like a slab of bark in her mouth. The thing she really wanted to say was why? But the more she thought about it, the less she wanted to know. She didn't really know what she should say instead. Maybe it was best just to be honest. It was what she was good at, anyways. "Sorry, I... I didn't expect that. I'm... honored, frankly. That ya think I'd make a good deputy." That you'd pick me as your deputy. She understood now why Cinderstar had looked so worried. But... the thought of saying no hadn't occurred to her. Not even in her doubt. If Cinderstar chose her, it was her duty to her leader and to her clan to serve as deputy. She didn't care for the title, she didn't dream of acknowledgement. But she'd do it, if she was asked.
"I don't mean to disrespect, but with... our history..." Nettlefang trailed off. They had already spoken about this. They had agreed to put it behind them. But this... this felt like a great leap, a generous investment in their truce that had only just been forged. Something that could possibly break it. "Y'know, I can't promise I'll always agree with ya, or that our partnership'd be a walk in the nursery. But I can promise that I want what's best for our clan, and that means standing by and supporting you. I just..." Her voice was quiet, almost a plea for honesty, "Cinderstar, you're sure I'm who you want?"
tags: tor
notes: obligatory momentary gay confusion
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Post by tor on Feb 15, 2024 18:28:12 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/rc8xfgw/cinder~jpg "Me?" Cinderstar stood as tall as she could and nodded, trying not to let any disappointment show that Nettlefang might doubt her words. Of course, Nettlefang had every reason under the sun and stars to think Cinderstar was pulling her leg, but that didn't mean Cinderstar had to be happy her future deputy doubted her so. "You're serious." She winced, just slightly. Now her own doubt was starting to brew, concentrating her concerns that Nettlefang might reject the offer. "I accept, I accept, of course."Relief coursed through her so strongly that she couldn't help but release it all in a gale of a sigh, every muscle in her body relaxing at Nettlefang's acceptance. Thank StarClan. With that out of the way, they could begin their work. Except, Nettlefang wanted to dwell. Of course. Cinderstar smiled patiently as Nettlefang spoke. "Sorry, I... I didn't expect that. I'm... honored, frankly. That ya think I'd make a good deputy." "You will," she said, honest. Nettlefang went on. Again, Cinderstar winced when she mentioned their past. They really could just forget it - who could blame them for being fiery apprentices? It was something they'd both long since grown out of, and Cinderstar didn't understand why Nettlefang was bringing it up now, except to embarrass them both. (That was probably unkind - Cinderstar didn't think Nettlefang was trying to embarrass her, she was just succeeding in doing so.) "Cinderstar, you're sure I'm who you want?""You are who I want," she said, voice low and confident despite her earlier embarrassment. "More than anyone, I want you." Would this work? If Nettlefang couldn't see value in her own accomplishments, could she see it in how firmly Cinderstar wanted her by her side? "You were the first cat that came to mind," she continued. "More than that. Back when I was first selected as deputy, I thought it should be you instead." She smiled again, more confident this time. "I don't need you to agree with me all the time. I need you to keep my head in place. You're the best cat for the job, Nettlefang." |
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Post by owl on Apr 11, 2024 10:07:56 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/sjZ15BX/nettleprofile~png | nettlefang so let my hope grow cold and atrophy
'cause there is no more room in your heart for me
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Thank goodness the leader continued talking before she got too carried away thinking. Her first choice? Really? More than... say, Turtlewhisker? I know they're sisters, but that molly's always had a good head on her shoulders and is just as against the tunnels as I am. I'd think the clan would approve of her, she's respected... Why wouldn't she choose her? Nettlefang let out a little sigh. Maybe so cats wouldn't accuse her of favoritism... only pickin' someone because they're kin. I know Turtlewhisker would hate to be accused of getting a position not by her own merit, but by special treatment. Besides... like she said, she wants me.
"Back when I was first selected as deputy, I thought it should be you instead." Another expression of surprised betrayed itself momentarily on her face before she schooled it again. "Really?" she meowed before she could stop herself. Might as well put my entire paw in my mouth. "Okay, I'm done bein' surprised at you, I promise. I don't think Littlestar woulda picked me, though... 'specially since when you became deputy, I was still quite an ass," Nettlefang chuckled. There were plenty of other reasons, too—she would have likely challenged the previous leader more than she would have wanted from a deputy. She was glad she and Cinderstar were on the same page... and really, the other cat's belief in her was all she needed.
She didn't really ever doubt herself. She knew she could handle it. She was used to hard work. Really what was deputyship but being a warrior plus a hell of a lot of extra work? Nettlefang just... never expected that someone else would want her to take that kind of weight on her shoulders. She wasn't one to crumble under pressure, but she had trouble keeping her cool sometimes... "I don't need you to agree with me all the time. I need you to keep my head in place. You're the best cat for the job, Nettlefang."
The grey tabby let out a purr at that. Her eyes had wandered as she thought, but now she met the leader's gaze with a warm grin. To her surprise, the other molly was smiling back. She wasn't sure if Cinderstar had ever smiled at her. If she had, it'd been a long time. "I think I can do that," she meowed with a touch of humor, closing her eyes and dipping her head to the tortoiseshell. If she knew anything, it was that she trusted the leader's judgement. If Cinderstar wanted her, then by Starclan she'd be a fool to say no. Won't be easy... but I never was a fan of easy. Her tail flicked to the side, the tip gently touching the other cat's flank to wordlessly get her attention. She thought for a few moments more before speaking. "What's our plan for tellin' the clan?" |
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Post by tor on Apr 13, 2024 17:50:17 GMT -6
#s://i~ibb~co/rc8xfgw/cinder~jpg Cinderstar didn't voice any agreement to Nettlefang's statement about being an ass, but she rolled her eyes in fond acknowledgement of it. It's true. Nettlefang was an ass back then. Still, she'd been the first cat Cinderstar considered when Littlestar needed someone, and Cinderstar knew she wasn't the only cat who thought that way. Sometimes, she wondered if a cat more like Nettlefang - rougher around the edges, even harsh at times - would've been a better foil to Littlestar. In the short days since Littlestar's disappearance, Cinderstar had come to accept she was a good successor for her leader. A good replacement, even when Littlestar was still around. But leaders didn't need replacements. They needed deputies who would keep them on their toes. Nettlefang was that for her, she was sure of it. That they shared beliefs in the tunnels was only... an extra bonus. A coincidence.
"What's our plan for tellin' the clan?"The question was direct, which Cinderstar appreciated more so than Nettlefang's endless statements of shock after being chosen. "Telling the clan?" She needed to before moonhigh, which would roll in before either of them knew it. Night had already descended on the meadows, with day just a strip of sunlight on the horizon. "I intended to right away. The moment we return to camp, I'll summon the clan. I wanted you to know now, to give you a chance to ask me any questions, before we announced it together." Together. Yes. Nettlefang standing next to her when she summoned the clan together for the first time as leader felt right - so right, her paws ached with the excitement of returning to camp. But, as she promised, Nettlefang deserved to ask questions first. "Littlestar surprised me when she called my name," she added, hoping to offer further explanation for their quiet moment together. "I think it set the tone for our working relationship: she was always surprising me." And rarely in a good way. "I don't want to surprise you. I want us to work together, fully informed of each other." Let me know you, she was really saying. And you will know me in turn. |
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